loren cameron -

Alcohol, Taken in Sufficient Quantities, Produces all the Effects of Intoxication

The Boozehound Awards: The Boozehound Cinephile / Ted Boynton

Pop culture item consumed: The 80th Annual Academy Awards, as well as some pre-awards foo-faw. For the first time in years, I was looking forward to the Oscars, largely because the Academy finally got a few good films involved. While I ordinarily maintain that the Academy Awards are to film as the mockumentary Best in Show is to dogs, this year involved some great performances and fantastic films. Needless to say, we shall discuss here only the ridiculous parts.

Beverage consumed: Hendrick’s gin for me, initially chilled and served up, with a cucumber slice as garnish, followed by Hendrick’s-and-tonics when the going got tough, followed by the evacuation of the front of my cranium. Hendrick’s is produced in Ayrshire, Scotland, “dahn tha rrrood a wee bit frahm” Stirling, the birthplace of my paternal great-great-great-grandfather. Hendrick’s is infused with essence of cucumber and has a refreshing, delicious flavor I’ve never tasted anywhere else. Mrs. Socalled drank a bottle of Taittinger’s primary label workhorse champagne, then worked on the Mersault left over from dinner the night before.

Summary of action: I doubt I’ve ever witnessed as much drunken behavior at the Oscars — or at least behavior that would be more excusable if the person was drunk — as I saw this year, so much so that I decided to bestow some Boozehound Cinephile awards for best moments of the Oscars. By “best,” of course, I mean those moments that should not have happened without someone imbibing a life-threatening amount of liquor. For each of them, as described below, I borrow an Alex the Odd measuring stick to evaluate how much anesthetic it took to press onward.

(Note: Other than the first ten or so comments, I have not reviewed the Pajiba open thread discussion of the Academy Awards from Sunday night; any overlap with the comments is purely accidental.)

Pre-Show “Do They Think I’m Drunk?” Award: I repeatedly heard last week that Jon Stewart and the producers were anxious about only having a couple of weeks to write the show instead of the “seven months” they would usually have. Now, Jon Stewart is one of my favorite people, but seriously, WTF? He does fewer jokes in the entire Oscars than they do on one fucking “Daily Show,” not to mention that Oscars jokes are not exactly, um, groundbreaking. Stewart does about as good a job as an Oscars host can do, but the idea that it would even take seven hours to cobble that nonsense together is laughable. Plus, the writers’ st
Source: loren cameron - The Boozehound Awards

                        

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