ky lottery - How War Changes Lives…

March 16th, 2008 · No Comments

The first thing I noticed when I awoke at 3:20am was that J wasn’t beside me. It was the same at 5:30am. Sunday is OUR day. I have become increasingly protective of that day because most weeks it’s all I have. I contemplated getting up and heading into work for a few hours to get some things done, but sadness had again sapped my energy and I went back to sleep. When I woke up at midday, try as I might to fight the urge, the first thing I did was check to see if his car was outside. I knew it wasn’t, if it had been he would have been there with me. It’s now 9pm and I still have no idea where he is. When I read the article that follows it became personal to me. For me it wasn’t about how J deals with be a veteran, to this day despite all the toing and froing he has not deployed, it was about how him being a Soldier affects us. It reinforced for me that J is a Soldier first. He has become so accustomed to guarding what he does that it has become who he is. Often he dissappears for a weekend or weeks at a time and then suddenly reappears, shrugs and says he was training. My friends of course, think he is cheating but anyone who says that doesn’t know him. It is just who he is. He would rather say nothing at all than risk saying the wrong thing.

I don’t think that any 2 military partners have ever experienced what the other feels. I believe we can share the more common emotions of fear, sadness and emptiness. I spoke to a Soldier this morning who returned from Afghanistan 12 months ago and is now preparing for another 15 months away from his family. He told me he worries about how his wife will deal with him being away again. I told him I thought she must be a strong woman. He reminded me that he needs to be too. His family would not be the only ones feeling the loss of deployment. This again got me thinking. For every bit of pain and sadness I feel at not knowing where J is, what does he feel?? I remember the last time he reappeared he messaged me for days, all day until he was back with me. Usually trying to get a message out of J is like trying to win the lottery.

Every experience, every set of memories, every life changed forever is as unique and individual as the person who experiences them.